To the Moon and Back
by Fluttering Phalanges
Summary: Beth's pregnancy journal based on the fanfiction "Ad Infinitum". Beth writes to her unborn child through the weeks of her pregnancy and through the birth.
1. Entry one

**Based on my fanfiction "Ad Infinitum". Since Beth was keeping a journal one season, I decided she might as well journal this. **

Entry one:

Dear Baby,

I know I should probably come up with a nickname for you. I think most mothers do that, but I'm not sure. Today the clinic confirmed that I am indeed, in fact pregnant. Funny though, I don't feel really pregnant. Well, minus the nausea and the occasion vomiting. But as I think about it, I find it hard to believe that you're growing inside of me. You're not really big right now, nor am I, but you're there. You're thriving.

It's funny, even though this all happened so fast, I'm excited. I really, really am. And though I haven't met you yet, and won't for quite some time, I already feel as if I know you. Love you. It's the strangest feeling in the world, but it's there.

Your daddy's name is Daryl, Daryl Dixon. We got married a few weeks back, didn't really know him at the time. You'll learn, baby, that the world is different than it once was. But we're safe here in Hurndon, and that's what is important. The outside world is different, but I have hope that one day it'll change to what it once was.

Anyway, I'm getting off track, I tend to do that, forgive me. But from the time I've known him, I've realized that he is a good man. He cares a lot about me and I'm sure you. He may not show it yet, but I know he'll grow to love you as much as I do. And I know he'll be a great father. He's brave, strong, and caring. As much as he may like to deny it, he is. And I know he'll treat us both right. In a way, he reminds me of your Granddaddy Hershel. I think you would've liked him. I know he would've loved you.

Well, baby, it's getting late and I know that your daddy needs his rest. I'll write again soon, I promise. As you get bigger, I'll keep track of it. Of everything. So that one day, when you're old enough, you can go back and read through this. If you want to, that is.

The night is warm tonight, I can even see fireflies flashing through the little window in our room. When you get old enough, I'll take you outside to catch them. We'll put them in a jar and keep them for a bit. But not too long, everything deserves freedom. Maybe one day everyone will realize that.

With much love,

Your mama, Beth


	2. Entry two

**Entry two: **

Dear Baby,

In this world, you will learn that sometimes things aren't as wonderful as they seem. It pains me to think about you having to realize these things. As your granddaddy did for me, I was led to believe that everything was seemingly perfect. But that is not always the case. But know this, my little one. Even in the darkest hour, there is always hope. I never want you to forget that. It is one of the most important thoughts I carry with me always. What I remind those who have forgotten in the years passed. It never hurts to have a little faith in humanity, and I hope you will view that with the utmost importance as well.

Today your father was punished for an act that was done in my favor. He was trying to defend me. To defend you. Though I cannot justify the course he took in doing so, I by no means believe the punishment he received was fair. But the world has changed, baby. Things that would not pass then seem to get by now. I am thankful that your father is alive, though I know the pain he is in now makes him wish otherwise. But I'll take care of him and in time, his wounds will heal. Everything heals with time.

I had a dream about you last night, little one. I was back on the farm, back where I grew up. I was sitting in the field, watching the cows, and there you were in your father's arms. He was swinging you around, your little legs flailing as you laughed happily. And I laughed too.

It was such a happy dream and you were so beautiful. Dark eyes like his. Blond hair like mine. It curled on top of your head like the drying hay weed at the end of summer. I could just stare at you forever, never believing until that moment how perfect someone could be.

Right now I am sitting by your father's side as he sleeps in what I can only hope is peace. There is something comforting in the thought that you're inside of me. That you are always with me. That no matter what I am never alone. And until the moment you are born, I shall cherish that gift and so forth. You are the most precious thing to me in this world and though I have not known about you for long, I crave the thought of getting to hold you in my arms. Crave the moment when your father can feel you squirm around in my belly. The moment that we all realize that now we are family. We _are_ family.

I'm growing tired, my love, and should turn in for the night. I will write again though, I promise. Until then, I hope you sleep well, little one, and may the happiest dreams of hope and fortune find you.

Your loving mama,

Beth


	3. Entry three

**Entry three:**

Dear Baby,

I'm sorry this entry is coming later than most, but you gave your daddy and I quite a scare. I won't go into detail, mostly because I don't like thinking about it, but we were afraid that I had lost you. I'm glad that wasn't the case though, my little one. I couldn't stand the idea of you disappearing. I know we haven't met and I haven't known you for long, but that doesn't mean that my love for you isn't great. You mean the world to me and after the incident, I can see you mean the world to your daddy too. I'm just thankful that you're alright.

I was talking to Jenny today-she's someone you'll meet one day, a housemate of ours-and she said you're about the size of a pea right now. A pea! I couldn't help but giggle at the thought. My little sweet pea, so tiny and so round. You'll grow fast though, you already have. I absolutely cannot wait to meet you. I know it's soon, but I've already begun to think of names.

I have yet to bring it up with your daddy, he has a lot on his plate, but I am thinking, little one. You won't be nameless when you come into this world. Everyone deserves something to identify them. And you can take your name and make what you wish with it. Be the person you want and do not let others tell you differently.

Sometimes I find myself feeling my stomach. I know it's weeks before I will feel you squirming about in there, or playing kickboxing with my bladder, but I like to imagine that I can feel you. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I just lay in bed, your daddy sometimes still asleep beside me if he doesn't have work, and just imagine what it's going to be like when you get bigger. I wish we had ultrasounds in Hurndon. But I guess I'll just have to use my imagination and be surprised when we actually meet.

Your daddy doesn't know about this journal yet. I've thought about talking to him, maybe have him write a little something, but you'll soon learn he isn't the best with words. But don't worry, my sweet pea, just because someone isn't good with words doesn't mean they don't love you very much. And he does, I'm sure of it. How could he not? You're so perfect and ours. Sometimes I feel as if I'm in a dream when I think of it.

Well, baby, it's growing late and we both need our rest. I'm going to turn in for the night but fear not, I will be writing to you again soon. Sleep well, my sweet pea.

Forever and always yours,

Mama


	4. Entry four

**Entry four: **

Dear Baby,

You grow bigger and bigger with each passing day. And though I cannot feel you yet, and though you are still very small, I know you're there. My belly has grown too, not by much, but people are starting to be able to tell that I'm pregnant without me having said so. It's very exciting, knowing you're there, growing stronger by the day. I cannot wait until I can feel you moving about. I promise, even when you kick my kidneys until their battered and bruised, I will love every minute of it. As long as you are healthy, nothing else matters to me.

I know it may sound insane, but you are my world now. Every waking minute, at least partly, my mind is on you. Is this what motherhood starts out like? I'm too embarrassed to ask Donna and Jenny. Maybe your Aunt Sasha would know.

Yesterday Adam came over to visit. You'll like him, he's just a few years older than you. We played with some blocks his father, your Uncle Bob, made for him. He kept laughing and knocking them over whenever I stacked them up. I thought about what your daddy could make for you. He's very talented, whether he likes to admit so. As long as he doesn't go about trying to teach you to use his crossbow as a baby, I think I could manage most anything else.

I've been thinking about names a lot lately for you. I think maybe Wyatt if you're a boy. Your Uncle Shawn's middle name was Wyatt. I wish you could've known him, he was a good brother when he wasn't teasing me. We used to play a lot when we were little. One time, he tied me to our German Sheppard though and went around to the back of the house and called her for her dinner. Tore my knees up real bad when she drug be across the yard. Your Granddaddy gave him quite the spanking after that. He didn't do that again, let me tell you. Learned his lesson right then and there.

I thought about Rosie if you're a girl. Not Rose, but Rosie. Rosie Dixon. I don't know why, but it has a nice ring to it. It sounds happy, hopeful. Everyone needs a little reminder that there's still hope in this world. I know it every day when I remember that I created you. And I'm hoping the moment your daddy holds you in his arms, he'l finally realize it too.

Well, my little one, I must turn in for the night. I have to be up early to help Jenny with the rations and your daddy needs his sleep. I love you dearly, more than I'll ever be able to express in words. Goodnight, my lovely.

Hugs and Sweet Kisses,

Mama


End file.
